The Making
by Joty
Summary: The Making... is a fanfic of a woman named Mai Elizabeth Johan and her journey in becoming something that she always feared.


**Mai Johan. Age 16**

An air of dread came over Mai Johan as she sat in the classroom with the other Novices seated around her. The white walls that were adorned with multicolor tapestries represented the many faces of the Tower. Green, Yellow, Blue, Red, Grey, Brown, and White. All with the Tear of Tar Valon embroidered proudly in the center of the weavings. The high ceiling arched into a dome that looked to be ivory worked with carvings of sophisticated motifs that would make the mind boggle on how such patterns were possible to craft. One Power or not. Yet with the beauty of the room surrounding her, the young Novice still felt the stroking hand of trepidation running down her back. It was noon and she was attending her lessons on the different Ajahs and their places in the world, something that she was not well-versed in. not that she didn't study this subject as much as the others, but many of the functions of some of the Sisterhoods alluded her. Some were simple enough, the Greens were to be used in the Last Battle while the Brown's noses were always buried inside of a book and made studies of the world and the way things worked. However, what of the Blue Ajah and the Grey? Where they not the same in essence? One mediated while the other sought justice. Was justice not the mediation of two parties or that of a community between what was right and what was ill? Perhaps she was simply over thinking it, perhaps not, but that still was not the source of her anxiety.

"Yes Merri, the Green Ajah—my Ajah—do take active roles in battle alongside our _Gaidin_," Seri Valence Aes Sedai said with a plain as day smile on her smooth face. A woman from Andor, she was very ravishing. With deep blue eyes that were always welcoming and a smile that added to that warmth. Her exotic blonde hair, braided with ornaments of stars and moons and suns, accompanied her above average height yet made her look all that more appealing. The only blemish that could be seen was the scar that ran across her small nose. Although, she did not try to hide it under mounds of powder or other ploys using makeup. She displayed her scar with pride and that seemed to make her more regal. "We are charged with the protection of the Tower and to fight at Tarmon Gai'don. But that is not all we are for. But perhaps we can use the Green in our next lesson. Today we are speaking on the Blue Ajah."

"The Blue Ajah is set for the seeking of cause and justice, right Seri Aes Sedai?" A voice called out that made Mia visibly cringe.

"Yes Carol, that is right." Seri said with a hint of pleasure in her tone.

Carol Vanders smiled brightly and turned to Mai whom was seated on the other side of the room where it immediately turned to mocking. That was the reason for her dismay. Carol was the eldest Novice in the class topping Mai by five months a fact that she held over Mai for the duration of her stay. She would be Raised to Accepted long before Mai would and she would reach the shawl before her too. However, that still didn't make her jealousy of Mai any less deep. But what was she envious of her for? What did Mai have that she coveted so dearly? It was an unfathomable conundrum.

"Now if a Green were to bring a Darkfriend to the Tower for conviction, who would handle the prosecution?"

"That's easy, the Blues Seri Aes Sedai."

"Right again Carol. The Blues would take the suspect from that point on. The Green Sister would only be there for testimony of his crimes against the Light." 

"But… why Seri Aes Sedai?" Mai said in an almost whisper. The entire class turned to her, which made her bite her lower lip and blush openly. She shouldn't have said anything, but it was too late now.

"Look, the 'prodigy' decides to talk!" Carol snipped.

"Carol! We do not put down our Sisters. Now Mai, what do you mean by 'why'?"

Now she knew everyone saw her blush. She could feel the heat on her face rise with each eye and giggle turned towards her."… I-I meant no disrespect, Seri Aes Sedai… I… I… I'm sorry I shouldn't have interrupted your lesson."

"But interrupted you did. Not by your question, but by your refusal to clarify it. It is okay to ask questions, that is what a class is for my dear child. For if you do not ask, how will you ever know? Now, what do you mean?" 

She nodded slightly and took a deep breath before beginning. "Its just that… why would the Tower need to convene for a Darkfriend when he was not even within our jurisdiction? Shouldn't it be the country of the crimes he committed be the one to place him under trial?"

She smiled at her with genuine conviviality. "That is partially true Mai. It is the country's right to try the offender within their borders. However, what if his crimes spread across multiple borders? Or if his transgressions were exonerated in some and not in others? What would be the ruling on his punishment?" 

"I… I don't know. If he is a Darkfriend in one, wouldn't that make him a Darkfriend in the others as well?" 

"Marlow Brendan. A horrible man from Saldaea, whom was convicted of over two hundred and thirty-seven murders across several borders as well as several other heinous crimes against the Light. You know his name do you not?" The class all nodded at the same time some even went as far as to go visibly pale at the mention of his name and offences. Mai was one of those few. "He was captured by the Whitecloaks and put to the Question where he confessed to all his crimes. However, the Arad Doman would not accept the confession and stopped the appointed punishment—death by flogging—stating that a confession under the stress of torture was not tolerable. 

"He was later acquired by the Domani and found not guilty of all his crimes. He would have been a free man. Free to continue his reign of terror and violence. That is until he was turned over to the Tower's custody and placed on trial there as well. And only there was he given an unbiased tribunal with the Sitters of the Tower. A woman named Erin Malden Sedai—you know her as Erin ni Malden t'Vance Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah—used the Oath Rod to bind him to the truth, where he confessed all his crimes."

"So, he was found to walk in the Light in one country, but he truly did not?" Carol asked. Well it was more like a statement formed into a question.

"Correct Carol. That is why the Tower, in some instances, is needed to reach the truth."

"But that was not a fair trial Aes Sedai." Mai said. "What Erin Aes Sedai did was the same as the torture the Whitecloaks put him through. He was forced to confess under outside influences. No real evidence was given to support his confessions. That is just a loophole around not using Compulsion."

The warmth in Seri's eyes suddenly faded and was replaced with an eerie calm and hardness. "His victims were enough to sanction the use of the rod. Sometimes loopholes are needed to find true justice Mai."

**_Mai Johan. Age 19._**

"Today is a very special day Child." The plain unadorned Tower halls were cold from the bitter frost outside. Ferocious winds carried stinging snow across deep purple skies, filled the entire city with a thick coat of white, and transferred that chill to the stone floors. Slippers did little to keep the cold from seeping through. Anna Sedai looked over to Mai Johan with convivial eyes and smiled. A native of Tar Valon; the short woman had a very warm face with equally warm brown eyes. Everything about her reminded Mai of her Aunt Beatrice, even her stoutness.

"Yes, it is." Karama Sedai agreed gleefully. The woman was always happy when it came to talking of Mai becoming an Accepted. The tall Aes Sedai was a woman that had just lost a loved one to a war in her hometown, which had been recently destroyed. Mai gave a quick prayer to the Creator for all the lives lost during the city's destruction. However, the woman never gave any signs other than a pause that she even noticed her hometown's destruction. If that ever happened to Tear, then the young Novice wouldn't know what she would do.

Mai simple nodded mildly. She had other things on her mind right now, like what Alverin Sedai told her last night. She would be the most powerful Aes Sedai of the Black Ajah of her time. The Black Ajah. She had never even thought it existed until Janice Kelden kidnapped her from her quarters to bring her to the woman. A fellow novice, the girl was two years younger than Mai and came from one of the Borderlands that was threatened to be consumed by the Great Blight like Malkier, she had come into the room and clubbed her on the head. She still had the lump on the back of her head that throbbed now and again. So, she would become a servant of the Shadow… no! She refused to accept that, she would fight it, she would…! Mai nearly jumped out of her skin when Karama announced that they were here. She had to clear her head of those awful thoughts and concentrate on this. Tonight she would be Accepted. 

Anna Sedai stood in front of a set of wooden doors that were so smoothly polished that they shined like glass from the light that the lanterns produced that the sisters held in their hands. Tall, wide, and unembellished, they looked to belong outside rather than inside the Tower. The Green opened one of the doors and led her into a large domed room. Three curved, hoary arches, that sat high enough to walk through, had a thick silver ring with their ends connecting were surrounded by lamps that stood on stands casting shadows away from the silver structures. The glow of _saidar_ surrounded the three sisters that sat cross-legged by each of the arches concentrated their stares at the arches that were now filled with a glowing white light that looked more than tangible. None she recognized but all of them wore a shawl, one White, another Blue, and the final a Red.

Karama smiled at Mai and spoke softly. "It is the Law of the Tower that Novices are given three chances at the testing. You can refuse twice to enter the arches without consequence, but if you refuse to enter on your third try…" She paused as if considering the worse possible outcome. "You will be thrown from the Tower… forever."

Maybe it was the worse possible outcome after all. Anna touched Mai on the shoulder delicately and spoke with clear reassuring confidence. "Though, that will not happen. We feel you are more than ready… everyone here believes so. Now, there are two things that I must tell you that no woman hears before they stand here. Once you begin, you must go on to the end. Refuse at any point and you will be excommunicated from the Tower just as if you refused for your third trail." Her voice went from motherly to stern in a heartbeat. Her eyes were sharp that held no warmth in them. Mai felt like she was outside with nothing but her shift on. "Secondly, to seek, to strive, is to know danger." The ice was still there but the words sounded almost banal like she had said this a many times before. However, her eyes had a hint of empathy in them that quickly turned back to winter in an instant. "In my years of testing I have witnessed horrible events…" 

"Horrible events?" Mai said with more than a shudder in her voice. She didn't want Anna to continue with her sentence but something tugged at her to learn the truth. She swallowed deeply and tried to work some moisture in her mouth before asking. "What happened Anna Sedai?"

With a deep sigh, she nodded slowly and continued. "There have been times when the women who have taken this test—well—they never came out." The Aes Sedai finished gravely. "You may refuse now without consequence child… it will only count as your first refusal, you still have two more chances. There will be nothing to be shamed of, not many women took their first trial. Think clearly with your mind and your heart, then make your decision."

_Indecision_ plagued Mai for what seemed like hours that changed to days. They never came out? What was in those eerily glowing arches that made women disappear? 'To seek, to strive, is to know danger', so what dangers lay in the arches? The reverberations of a thunderclap made her jump in front of the women that in turn made her cheeks into a crimson mask of embarrassment.

"She is not ready…" Karama said a bit disappointed in her statement. "It is okay child, you may try again in a month… Mai?"

Giving the Grey her clothing Mai took a deep breath and looked the Aes Sedai straight in the eyes with what she hoped was confidence. "I… I accept Karama Sedai, Anna Sedai, I'm ready."

"Excellent! I knew you would not disappoint us!" Karama exclaimed while clapping her hands together and almost dropping her bundle of clothes on the floor. "Lara, Rinoa, Belinda, we may begin."

Mai followed Karama without hesitation. Ignoring the beams that Anna gave her, or the burning ice of the floor beneath her feet, she had to find calm and courage. She would become Accepted! The woman named Lara was a slender woman who had bright green eyes that twinkled even when she was concentrating, the glow of _saidar_ was loudest around her. Anna turned to Mai with hardhearted eyes and spoke in an almost chant like tone. "Whom do you bring with you, Sister?"

Karama replied in a similar note. "One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister." 

"Is she ready?"

"She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance." 

"Does she know her fears?"

"She has never faced them, but now is willing."

"The first time, is for what was. The way will come but once. Be steadfast."

Mai hesitated and looked to the two Aes Sedai that had brought her to the Tower not long ago and smiled weakly before stepping through the glow. Blinding light engulfed her.  
Malkier was a place of beauty, with stone buildings reaching to the skies and beyond. Cobblestone streets were filled with proud people that went on with their lives like they normally did everyday. Maybe the most prestigious of the land was the Malkier palace, with livered servants working diligently to finish their chores wearing the Golden Crane in flight, on their chest or the sides of their sleeves or on both. Pushing trays through decorated halls filled with tapestries and friezes or both. Portraits framed with gilt of the Lords and Ladies of the Houses that were in power followed up red-carpeted stairwells that lead to more adorned hallways that were darted with Great Oak doors that held the crest of the nations symbol like the servants wore. You would never guess that a war was raging outside the stonewalls. However, the armies that were used to this type of fighting were keeping the Great Blight back, and would as long as they could.

Mai sat in her well-lit chambers with her Ladies in Waiting preparing her for today. Her very special day. Today she would be married and become Mai ni Johan t'Mandragoran Queen of Malkier. _No, Mai Mandragoran will suffice._ She blushed at the thought in spite of herself.

_The way will come but once. Be steadfast._

Mai blinked and looked over to Yulee Linton, her best friend and her first Lady in Waiting. "Did you say something Yulee?"

The blue-eyed woman shook her head slowly with a giggle. "Don't tell me you have the jitters already Mai!" The woman said in between her mirth that caused Mai to blush even more. "I didn't think Aes Sedai got nervous."

Aes Sedai? Yes. She was Sitter of the Blue Ajah for thirty years, so why couldn't she convince herself that? She must be more nervous than she realized. "Yes Aes Sedai get nervous, we just don't let it show, even one that wears her emotions on her sleeves." She kidded back. That was the one thing that she never learn to do, hiding her feelings was so trivial to her. She wanted her subjects to know she was human and could relate to her, of course that would leave her open to enemies but who would dare attack a nation with the White Tower backing it? "I do hope that Torell is well today."

"Of course he is milady!" Saundra said reassuringly as she brushed her hair. She was from a small village near were Manetheren once stood. She was distraught when news of its demise came to her, so much that she wouldn't eat very much and now was a sinewy version of her once beautiful self. Mai did worry about her, but she was doing better. 

"Thank you Saundra…" Mai was interrupted by a series of knocks at the door that made her jump. She never jumped at a knock before, but for some reason she thought she did. "Come."

The ornately decorated door opened admitting a tall young man with long brown hair that was held back by a thin braid that wrapped around his forehead. Torell Mandragoran looked to be craved from stone but still had a thing of beauty to him. Mai quickly rose from her seat and turned around so the man wouldn't see her, a little anger and irritation prickling her face. "My Lord, we are not supposed to see each other until the wedding ceremony." She said more calmly than she felt.

"I know my heart, but it is imperative that I speak to you." His voice was soft with a no nonsense edge to it, a strange combination.

"Then speak."

Torell hesitated for a moment as if thinking better than to say what he was going to in front of her Ladies in Waiting. "In private please." He final said.

"Mistress?" Yulee and Saundra questioned at the same time. Mai nodded thoughtfully and waited as all the women gave their curtsies and left closing the door softly behind the last woman. Mai turned around to her betrothed forcing down a smile that came anyway.

"What did you want to say that my ladies couldn't hear, my Lord?"

Taking a place on the bed, he took off his riding gauntlets and motioned her to come and join him, which she did grudgingly. Happy memories were on this bed and she did not wish them to be spoiled by any argument that they would likely have. She knew him well enough to know when something was plaguing his thoughts. "Do—I can't believe I'm asking this—do you love me Mai Johan?" she looked at him askew. What would bring this up? "I must know… I must know if you're only marrying me for the crown."

That was why. He had doubts of her love for him. Mai rose from her bed—their bed—and looked down on him with anger plain on her face. Why would such thoughts even cross his mind? Smoothing out her features she placed the face of Aes Sedai tranquility. "Torell, remember when my uncle arranged our marriage three years ago?" He gave a smirk but nodded eventually. "I hated you and challenged your every decision when I could. I thought you were arrogant, pigheaded, and selfish. I didn't want anything to do with you or your kingdom, no matter if I was of Malkier blood. Light, we had separate rooms all but a few months ago."

"I fail to see your point Mai. The question I asked…"

"Do not interrupt." She would not hear him until she was finished. "In retaliation of my own stubbornness not to bend to your will you ordered my uncle to be beheaded. You didn't care that I was an Aes Sedai and that you would have to deal with the White Tower, as long as you had me, willing or not. Then when I came to set you straight, I saw my uncle playing stones with you. He told me that it was his plan to send out the decree and you wouldn't go along with it until he begged you. You said that you wanted to win my heart, not force me to give it to you." She paused to let the memory sink in, more for herself than anything else; it was one of her favorites. "It was then when I realized that I had misjudged you. That exterior was just a frontage to seem strong to your people, inside you were—are—a compassionate person. That was when you had my heart and you still have it, Torell."

_The way will come but once. Be steadfast._ Again that detached voice rang from somewhere. It may have been her thoughts but she doubted that.

"I see… Light, forgive me…" He said with a tone full of sorrow, like he was about to do something he would later regret.

"What is wrong Torell? Forgive you for…?" The arrow gleamed in the light that the lanterns of the room gave. It sat, cocked back, on the dull wood of the crossbow in Torell's trembling hand. His eyes screamed fear but quickly changed to threatening determination. "Torell, what are you doing?"

"Forgive me, but I am the King before I am your heart… _For Malkier!_" Streams of Air and Fire shot out at speeds that would make a sister's head spin, caught the arrow in midair and burned it to white ash. _Saidar_ flowed like ocean currents in her, threatening to whisk her away into eternity. A few more flows of Air shackled him to the wall on the other side of the room, with one last manacle around his neck. 

"What is the meaning of this Torell?" Rivers of tears ran down from her eyes. Tears of fear, anger, and most of all heartache, the man that she loved just tried to kill her! Why? She would find out, she would ring the life…

Suddenly, a silver arch appeared in the reflection of the mirror beside her. Blazing white light subjugated the middle and almost seemed to call her. "Light. Mai, I'm so sorry… they… they made me!"

_The way will come but once. Be steadfast._

Light! Why now? "Torell, why? I loved you! I… Light why?" She couldn't contain her pain and frustration. She could feel blood trickle from her clinched fists.

"I love… you… too Mai, please! They would… have taken… Light…!" The snap was loud and crisp almost like the crunching of leaves.

The light started to waver then fade… What had she done? "I—I love you Torell… I…" Light shattered her existence.  
The pain and frustration didn't leave her when she stepped through the arch and back into the cold chamber holding the five Aes Sedai. It actually stung harder, if that was even possible. Torell tried to kill her, and she didn't know why, what would make him forsake his heart so? What made her kill him? Was it the fact that he tried to take her life? Or was it the hurt in her heart? Cold water washed over her from a silver chalice that Anna poured over her head.

"You are washed clean, of what sin you may have done, and those done against you." Somehow, Anna's words didn't bring any comfort to Mai. Of course, what kind of comfort could be found in knowing that the man you loved tried to kill you and instead, you killed him? She wished the arrow did pierce through her heart. "You are washed clean of what crime you may have committed, and, and of those committed against you." Then why did she feel so filthy? "You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul." Never. The Light burn her! She'll never be pure!

Karama helped her to the second arch, face filled with worry. Mai was about to tell her what happened but she quickly shook her head. "What happened is to be kept to you, child. But I can see that it was hard, but you must continue your resolve, no matter what. Are you ready for your second trial?"

Mai swallowed hard and tried to put Torell out of her mind… out of her heart, with little success. "Yes."

"The second time is for what is." The woman called Rinoa chanted. "The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

"Light, let me be…"

**_Mai Johan. Age 26._**

Swords clanged somewhere off in the backdrop of the battle, but Mai Johan could care less of the raging battle that lay in her midst. Violence spread all across her further than the eye could see, even if one was holding _Saidar_. The sweetness and jubilation of being wrapped in the One Power would have overshadowed the fear of this terrible place that had been imprinted within her memory. The sight of this mêlée could put the fear of the Creator into any woman. Scenes of gore produced from men being slain by beak faced monsters that owned human hands but wolf like legs and feet called Trollocs. Their inhuman cries cut deeply into the Malkieri woman and shock her to the core. Beheadings and impalings filled her eyes while woman in fan cloths and armor rift the earth around them to swallow armies of Trollocs into the ground never to return to terrorize the citizens of Malkier again. The things that the young Accepted witnessed were the things of nightmares, but she could not disquiet herself with these atrocities, no matter how much it ripped her heart to see her people die in front of her. She could not move, she would not move. No matter how loud they call out for her, no matter how much the Myrddraal twisted their black Thakan'dar blade into her father and mother. She had to await the sign; she had to holdfast in her resolve, but Light she wanted to cry!

The hordes of Shadowspawn seemed endless. It was as if the Blight was trying to engulf the world once more as it did in the Trolloc Wars so long ago. The Trollocs ravaged the world then and the human race barely survived their assault. Right now, she doubted that they would survive this assault. It was hard to turn away from the fierceness of the battle, but Mai risked a glance behind her at the once great city that made her home. Now, it was engulfed in flames from Darkfriend raiders. Black clouds soot filled the sky and covered the sun making the terrain like night with the ghostly absence of the shimmering stars. If any land could come close to what the Blight looked like, this was it. The sight of it made her already water like knees give way. They were going to die in this Light forsaken place and she was cursed to stand here and do nothing to help! Holdfast. The sign would appear once and only once. Hold out. That was all she could do now. 

Finally, she saw it. It was like the Creator lifting the curtains of the gloom from the war zone. A symbol of no real importance, but at this point, it meant everything to her. For a moment, she paused, wondering if anyone else saw it before berating herself for such a foolish conjecture. Stepping toward the emblem—it truly wasn't an emblem, but a series of lines with twists and meanderings that would put an Ogier to shame—she embraced the One Power and began tracing the intricate pattern with her forefinger. Air then Spirit, Earth and Water, Spirit came twice more followed by Fire. Always changing but not without its familiarity. The screams of the outside world clawed at her awareness, trying to strip it away, trying to cause her to hesitate or to falter. She would do neither. She could not afford to. She continued to trace as if nothing was there, emptying her mind and striving to find the _Ko'di_, but she knew that that feat was impossible. She could never succeed in finding the Oneness like her grandfather, but that still did not hinder her from trying. Thirteen times, she traced the symbol without failure but that still left eighty-seven more times. Time didn't stand still for this, oh no, the sounds of swords clanging and men and women dying still filled her ears. She kept weaving, not stopping for an instant.

As she reared the last of the patterns that seemed to glow like it was on fire, a Shadowspawn rose up to threaten her, but it was quickly put down by its human opponent, but with that kill, a coat of blood covered her, burning her eyes as well as her skin. She wanted to scream, to take her hands and attempt to rub the blood from her face so she could see the last of the lines that she had to trace, but she resisted the temptation and hurriedly looked to her other skills. She had been a marvel in the Tower, not only for her strength, but for her ability to learn quickly and duplicate quicker. The last of the outline was still fresh in her mind and she allowed her hand to finish it. Fire then Earth then Spirit, Water… Water… Oh Light! What was next? Air! As she neared the end, she felt a sudden gush that felt like a sword swiping right in front of her, her hands quivered and even moved outside the pattern in her mind. She had failed. She knew she had, but she would finish the test, no matter what. Once the last line was traced, she lowered her hand and prayed. Mai had always been a religious woman and this helped her from going to her eyes or tearing at her burning skin with her nails. She fought the enticement and with eyes still closed, prepared for the worse.

What she heard was hardly what she expected. "It is finished." A voice said from behind her. She dare not turn around or open her eyes; the shame of her failure was enough. "By the Seal of Tar Valon, none shall speak of what has transpired here but she who has experienced it. Mai Elizabeth Johan. You will spend this night in prayer and contemplation of the burdens you take up tomorrow… when you don the shawl of Aes Sedai." 

Claps filled her ears and she opened her blue-green eyes in surprise as she gazed at each one of the Aes Sedai present in the large hall with looks of pleasure on their usually placid features. Gone was the battlefield that surrounded her and the panorama of death and carnage. Replacing it was a domed hall decorated with extravagant lamp fixtures and women in different color and fashioned dresses. The only thing that melded them together was the ageless faces that they shared even if they were all of different cultures and backgrounds. The title of Aes Sedai held them together tighter than even blood could connect someone. There was no greater family than the White Tower and the pride that came with being a part of it was unmatched. These perquisites were something that she thought she would never feel. Not after that, single folly in the last few seconds of her testing.

The other women crowded her with pats on the shoulder from the Reds or hugs from the Greens or words of congratulations from the Blues. Mai still didn't understand what was going on. She had failed the test to become Aes Sedai, why were they celebrating? One of the women must have seen the confusion on the young lady's face and cupped it in her soft hands.

"What is the matter child?" Her name was Fara Cansin a Green who had been Aes Sedai for more than thirty years. Her pale green eyes glimmered with warmth. "This is not a time for sulking Mai Johan, this is a time for celebration!"

"Yes Mai, it is a time for celebration. Why the long face?" Shannon Ball was a Red ironically with fiery red hair but with a serene temper and demeanor. "You passed the test, you have…"

"No Shannon Aes Sedai, I did not." Mai declared solemnly. "The last moment of the testing… the last line… I did not complete the weave correctly."

"Mai dear, your eyes were closed. We were amazed that you could complete it without the aid of sight." Veronica Dumas was a brown-eyed Blue that reminded Mai of a mother. Everything about her was motherly, from her rosy cheeks to her gray hair that was always done in a tight neat bun. She was one of the two Blues that gave her the words of encouragement. "We have known that you were special from the first time you stepped into the halls of the Tower."

"I am inclined to agree with Veronica, Mai," Shannon said brusquely. There was bad blood between Reds and Blues, there always has been, and from the looks the women were giving each other, it would always be. Yet, their feud went far deeper than just Reds and Blues. Two warring nations were more than enough to fuel it though. "Your talents along with your strength makes you something special within the Tower. Something that we haven't seen in centuries."

"Your praises are things that I have already heard before. Yet, my memory is something that has never been wrong before. Once I memorize something I know it inside and out." The young Accepted said austerely. "There was a line that went from the center left and veered off to the right before ending."

The other Sisters stopped their praises and looked upon her with blank expressions. Fara was the one to speak first. "Child, I swear this upon the Seal of Tar Valon… You did not falter…"

"But…" 

"Child, Aes Sedai cannot lie. You know this. It was the first lesson that you learned when coming here." Shannon Sedai said. "It was the first lesson that I taught you."

"Yes I know… But my memory…"

Another hand touched her shoulder; it was Veronica's this time. "Memory can fail you in times of stress," she said with complete understanding in her tone. "Exceedingly so while within the dome."

"That is enough." Shannon once again cut in abruptly. "We will not speak anymore on this. Custom forbids it and so do I. Mai, you will report to your room now. Tomorrow you will become Aes Sedai."

Mai nodded. Aes Sedai never lied. Her memory faulted her. She was to be Aes Sedai tomorrow. These thoughts circled in her head as she entered into her room and laid in her bed, thinking about what had happened in the large domed ter'angreal. The last of the hundred symbols, it was still fresh in her head. Tracing it with her finger, she stopped at the end. _Center left, veering off to the right…_But her hand went to the center right veering upward. _I did fail, but… but… _

Aes Sedai never lie.

**_Mai Johan. Age 57._**

"Please wake up Mai. I know you are stronger than this." A familiar voice called placidly in Mai's ear. Her head throbbed so wildly it was hard to tell what the voice actually said but it was enough to make her open her eyes to the handsome face of a man that owned the greenest eyes she had ever seen. His brow was furrowed with worry but softened considerably as he saw that she had finally awakened. His smile was like the coming of the dawn and she felt its warmth. It was the greatest feeling she had ever felt. "I knew you would awaken soon. You were always a fighter Mai."

She smiled weakly as his hand caressed her cheek and waited for her eyes to finally refocus before trying to comprehend where she was. Her eyes darted to the left side of the room to a cobblestone fireplace with a roaring fire warming the air around them, little miniatures sat on the mantle along with a small clock that ticked rhythmically in the background. A portrait of the man and her holding a child in the forefront and another girl no older than seven winters standing flanking to her hung right above it, framed in a gilt-worked frame that was sculpted to look like a fagot. That sight alone caused her to glow inside. They were her two little girls. Hope was the eldest and Chastity was the baby she was holding. The two gems of her life and the man was her husband, Shawn Keldrin. The painting was a bit outdated however; Hope was now twelve winters and Chastity just celebrated her fifth Naming Day. Both hale and hearty and already showing the willingness to become Aes Sedai, just like their mother. Only, she was no longer Aes Sedai.

The right held an open threshold that lead to the living room filled with antique furnishings that must have been handed down to them. Shawn's mother and father had given those items to him before they died. It was her choice to keep them here instead of filling the house with her things. She didn't wish to see anything that would remind her of her past life—yet, why could she not bear to part with her golden Great Serpent Ring? The past didn't matter, only the present and the future. Another fireplace was fixed into the wall with a second fire smoldering in the hearth. A large crock-pot sat in the flames, heating what must have been mutton from the smell. The ladle sat on the dinning room table with a small cloth under it to absorb the moisture of the juices of the soup. Portraits hung in that room also, but she didn't need to see them to know where she was now; she was home with her family, where she wanted to be. Where she needed to be.

"What happened?" She whispered still feeling like her head had been beaten like a drum in a Fool's Day Festival. Placing her fingers on her temples, she was surprised to find blood when she moved them from her brow. "Why am I bleeding?" Shawn's face suddenly became darker, harder; it didn't fit his usually peaceful facade. "Shawn, what's the matter?"

He licked his lips before answering in a grave tone, "They attacked you. Those bloody bastards attacked you while you where returning from your uncle's funeral in Tear"—Yes, she lived in Cairhien now with her husband. She had met him while searching for something to fill the hole that saidar had left when it was cut from her by the Shadow. She had found that something in her family and that was the only thing that was keeping her from ending her life—"they stoned you three miles outside the town. If not for Orin and Abram, you wouldn't be here right now. Thank the Light that you are. I swear I'll kill the bastards for this, that I will!"

"No." She said with the certainty that only an Aes Sedai could possess. Even if it were from a former Aes Sedai. "You're a passive man who would never turn to conflict as a first resort. That is one of the reasons why I love you. There is no more need for bloodshed." She had seen more than enough of that in her lifetime. She had shed more than enough herself, but no more. She no longer fought Darkfriends in the streets of Malkier or ventured to push Trollocs back into the Blight. Shawn made to argue but Mai placed a finger softly on his lips. "Where are our children?"

"In the next room. They were upset when they saw their mother hurt." He said with a bit if that bitter edge still in his voice. "I'll go get them and tell them your all right." Mai nodded happily and watched as he left the room after a quick departing kiss.

Mai breathed a vexing sigh. Why was she the target of an attack near her own town? She could understand Tear where their trust for Aes Sedai was rapidly declining, but here in Cairhien? That really didn't make any sense. She had no enemies—she couldn't think of ever having any adversaries in her past or making them in the near future. So, who would think of doing her harm?

"Mommy?" Mai blinked and looked to the open doorway that lead to the living room and smiled deeply at the sight of an auburn haired girl with green eyes standing in the threshold holding a tray with soup, bread, and cheese. Chastity took more after her mother than Hope, who came to the doorsill next. Raven-haired like her father, the only thing that she shared with the former Aes Sedai were her blue-green eyes that lit with mischief. She echoed her smaller sister but with a more formal air of "Mother!"

They both ran over—Chastity setting the tray down first—to the recovering woman and latched on to her with bear grips. Mai held them just as tightly, never wanting to let them go, yet she somehow belayed that temptation and pushed them back a little. If Shawn's smile was like daylight, then theirs were like the stars that decorated the night skyline. "Where you two good while I was away?" The two nodded enthusiastically but Hope's eyes were still glinting with playful mischief. "Hope, did you follow my wishes and watched your sister."

"Yes mommy." She answered tenderly. "I kept her from talking to the Bad Man."

"I was not talking to the Bad Man!" Chastity protested.

"You were going to!" Hope shot back. 

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yes-huh!"

Mai frowned uneasily, cupped her oldest daughter's chin in her hands, and turned her head to look in her eyes. "Hope, what Bad Man?" Shawn entered the room once more before Hope could answer yet he never looked to the three. That was when Mai saw it, a blade protruding out of his torso drenched with his blood. His glazed over gaze and paling skin named him dead already. "Shawn!" Was all she could get out before five men entered the room with crude armor and swords in their hands. The man that was holding her dead husband on his sword drew back his blade and glanced over at the three with a grim look in his eyes. Mai clutched her children tighter to her. Their cries muffled in her bosom. "Who are you!"

"We are messengers of the Light!" The sun bleached man barked with a heavy Lugarder accent. The blind fervor in his eyes could shame a Whitecloak. "This man refused to bow to the will of He Who Comes With the Dawn, the Dragon Reborn! For this audacious act he was slain, just as you have to be." 

She looked at Shawn's unmoving body, anger, and eternal sadness boiling within her and poured down her face in the form of tears. Instinctively she tried to embrace saidar in an attempt to protect her children, but found the task impossible. She had been cut off from the One Power, cut off from part of her very soul. Yet she did not panic, she still owned the agelessness that came with years of using the Power and she still wore the Great Serpent ring that marked her as receiving training in the White Tower in Tar Valon that lay next to her wedding band. Perhaps she could bluff these murderous louts into running out from her children. She had already lost her husband this night; she would not lose her reasons for being also. 

"What you have done here is unforgivable." She said with icy calm, but her eyes were smoldering with anger. "I swear to you that you will not live pass this night and your 'Lord Dragon' will be captured and gentled by the week's end by the Tower. Once they learn that you have killed an Aes Sedai!" The men didn't even flinch, but the grip on the hilt of their swords tightened visibly. It was working; they were beginning to find fear. However, when the large man from Lugard spoke again, he showed no signs of fear. Perhaps more convincing was needed. "Look onto my face, into my eyes and know what I speak is true. I am Mai Elizabeth Johan of the Blue Ajah and if you make any attempts to harm my children, I will kill you without hesitation."

Perturbed silence followed after her stand before the Lugarder spoke again. His eyes gleamed more fanaticism than before until they seemed to burn like hot brown coals. "If you were indeed Aes Sedai then you would bend knee to the Dragon Reborn at this moment! If you were Aes Sedai then you would not be affiliated with this Darkfriend!"

"**Enough**!" She snapped with distant authority, the Great Serpent ring gleamed brightly from the fireplace's light. "If that is what must be done to save the rest of my family, then I will bend knee to the Lord Dragon Reborn right at this moment."

"Mommy?" Chastity sobbed softly. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had been crying for some time now. She would protect them, even if she had to die doing it.

"Shhh…" She cooed warmly. "Do not worry, mommy will be all right. Hope. Hope?" The other girl looked at her with a detached gaze. The sight of her father being murder had placed her in shock. Mai felt as if she were going to cry from that look that should never be in a child's eyes. "Hope, you must listen to me carefully. Watch over your sister, do not let anything come between you two, do you understand?" She didn't seem to hear her.

"Now Aes Sedai! Swear your allegiance to the Dragon!" A man with a more musical Shienarian voice growled and grabbed the Malkieri woman by her hair to the floor. The two children screamed but were quickly silenced by a quick backhand from the Lugarder. Mai clenched her fist and gritted her teeth in anger. She would make him pay for that. Why was this happening to her and her family? Hadn't she done nothing but good as Aes Sedai? Hadn't she served the Light well? Yes, she had, she had given up the Power for the Light, and this is how she was repaid? "Swear!"

Swallowing hard she rose herself up halfway with her arms to cast her blazing eyes on the Shienarian. She took them all in turn with her gaze, memorizing their features. Somehow, someway she would give each of them what they deserved for taking Shawn away from her. "By the Light and my hope of salvation and rebirth, I swear to serve the Lord Dragon Reborn in any way he wishes until I breathe my last days." The words came forced, but they were still spoken and irrevocable. The men seemed satisfied enough, all except the hard faced Lugarder.

"Good." He mumbled blatantly. "We will set you to work soon Aes Sedai; however, the Lord Dragon has no need for children. Lauric, kill them."

Mai's eyes grew wide in horror. "No! You swore you wouldn't hurt them!"

"We swore nothing witch! Lauric kill them now." The man nodded tightly before producing a large belt knife from his boot and moved for her kids with an evil intent in his eyes.

Mai stepped in front of him with her arms wide and a daring look on her face. She would not move unless they killed her and probably not after that. The man named Lauric must have had that in mind however, as his knife met with her stomach while still in stride. She gasped in shock as she was thrown to the side as if she were nothing more than a drapery in the way. In many ways, she was just that. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as she watched on the floor, unable to move but still cursed with the capability of hearing and seeing. The man rose the knife above Hope and Chastity's crying heads and drove it down, cutting their screams short. She wanted to scream, she wanted to get up and tear their throats out, but she couldn't. She simply watched with glazed over eyes as the last bit of life drained from Hope's face. The child's still innocent eyes met hers on the floor along with her sister's.

_I love you… They'll pay for this… I swear they will…_ The world went black around her as thoughts of revenge echoed throughout her mind. She would make them pay; she would make them all pay.

**_Mai Johan. Age 57._**

"Please wake up Mai. I know you are stronger than this." A familiar voice called placidly in Mai's ear. Her head throbbed so wildly it was hard to tell what the voice actually said but it was enough to make her open her eyes to the handsome face of a man that owned the greenest eyes she had ever seen. His brow was furrowed with worry but softened considerably as he saw that she had finally awakened. His smile was like the coming of the dawn and she felt its warmth. It was the greatest feeling she had ever felt. "I knew you would awaken soon. You were always a fighter Mai."

She smiled weakly as his hand caressed her cheek and waited for her eyes to finally refocus before trying to comprehend where she was. Her eyes darted to the left side of the room to a cobblestone fireplace with a roaring fire warming the air around them, little miniatures sat on the mantle along with a small clock that ticked rhythmically in the background. A portrait of the man and her holding a child in the forefront and another girl no older than seven winters standing flanking to her hung right above it, framed in a gilt-worked frame that was sculpted to look like a fagot. That sight alone caused her to glow inside. They were her two little girls. Hope was the eldest and Chastity was the baby she was holding. The two gems of her life and the man was her husband, Shawn Keldrin. The painting was a bit outdated however; Hope was now twelve winters and Chastity just celebrated her fifth Naming Day. Both hale and hearty and already showing the willingness to become Aes Sedai, just like their mother. Only, she was no longer Aes Sedai.

The right held an open threshold that lead to the living room filled with antique furnishings that must have been handed down to them. Shawn's mother and father had given those items to him before they died. It was her choice to keep them here instead of filling the house with her things. She didn't wish to see anything that would remind her of her past life—yet, why could she not bear to part with her golden Great Serpent Ring? The past didn't matter, only the present and the future. Another fireplace was fixed into the wall with a second fire smoldering in the hearth. A large crock-pot sat in the flames, heating what must have been mutton from the smell. The ladle sat on the dinning room table with a small cloth under it to absorb the moisture of the juices of the soup. Portraits hung in that room also, but she didn't need to see them to know where she was now; she was home with her family, where she wanted to be. Where she needed to be.

"What happened?" She whispered still feeling like her head had been beaten like a drum in a Fool's Day Festival. Placing her fingers on her temples, she was surprised to find blood when she moved them from her brow. "Why am I bleeding?" Shawn's face suddenly became darker, harder; it didn't fit his usually peaceful facade. "Shawn, what's the matter?"

He licked his lips before answering in a grave tone, "They attacked you. Those bloody bastards attacked you while you where returning from your uncle's funeral in Tear"—Yes, she lived in Cairhien now with her husband. She had met him while searching for something to fill the hole that saidar had left when it was cut from her by the Shadow. She had found that something in her family and that was the only thing that was keeping her from ending her life—"they stoned you three miles outside the town. If not for Orin and Abram, you wouldn't be here right now. Thank the Light that you are. I swear I'll kill the bastards for this, that I will!"

"No." She said with the certainty that only an Aes Sedai could possess. Even if it were from a former Aes Sedai. "You're a passive man who would never turn to conflict as a first resort. That is one of the reasons why I love you. There is no more need for bloodshed." She had seen more than enough of that in her lifetime. She had shed more than enough herself, but no more. She no longer fought Darkfriends in the streets of Malkier or ventured to push Trollocs back into the Blight. Shawn made to argue but Mai placed a finger softly on his lips. "Where are our children?"

"In the next room. They were upset when they saw their mother hurt." He said with a bit if that bitter edge still in his voice. "I'll go get them and tell them your all right." Mai nodded happily and watched as he left the room after a quick departing kiss.

Mai breathed a vexing sigh. Why was she the target of an attack near her own town? She could understand Tear where their trust for Aes Sedai was rapidly declining, but here in Cairhien? That really didn't make any sense. She had no enemies—she couldn't think of ever having any adversaries in her past or making them in the near future. So, who would think of doing her harm?

"Mommy?" Mai blinked and looked to the open doorway that lead to the living room and smiled deeply at the sight of an auburn haired girl with green eyes standing in the threshold holding a tray with soup, bread, and cheese. Chastity took more after her mother than Hope, who came to the doorsill next. Raven-haired like her father, the only thing that she shared with the former Aes Sedai were her blue-green eyes that lit with mischief. She echoed her smaller sister but with a more formal air of "Mother!"

They both ran over—Chastity setting the tray down first—to the recovering woman and latched on to her with bear grips. Mai held them just as tightly, never wanting to let them go, yet she somehow belayed that temptation and pushed them back a little. If Shawn's smile was like daylight, then theirs were like the stars that decorated the night skyline. "Where you two good while I was away?" The two nodded enthusiastically but Hope's eyes were still glinting with playful mischief. "Hope, did you follow my wishes and watched your sister."

"Yes mommy." She answered tenderly. "I kept her from talking to the Bad Man."

"I was not talking to the Bad Man!" Chastity protested.

"You were going to!" Hope shot back. 

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yes-huh!"

Mai frowned uneasily, cupped her oldest daughter's chin in her hands, and turned her head to look in her eyes. "Hope, what Bad Man?" Shawn entered the room once more before Hope could answer yet he never looked to the three. That was when Mai saw it, a blade protruding out of his torso drenched with his blood. His glazed over gaze and paling skin named him dead already. "Shawn!" Was all she could get out before five men entered the room with crude armor and swords in their hands. The man that was holding her dead husband on his sword drew back his blade and glanced over at the three with a grim look in his eyes. Mai clutched her children tighter to her. Their cries muffled in her bosom. "Who are you!"

"We are messengers of the Light!" The sun bleached man barked with a heavy Lugarder accent. The blind fervor in his eyes could shame a Whitecloak. "This man refused to bow to the will of He Who Comes With the Dawn, the Dragon Reborn! For this audacious act he was slain, just as you have to be." 

She looked at Shawn's unmoving body, anger, and eternal sadness boiling within her and poured down her face in the form of tears. Instinctively she tried to embrace saidar in an attempt to protect her children, but found the task impossible. She had been cut off from the One Power, cut off from part of her very soul. Yet she did not panic, she still owned the agelessness that came with years of using the Power and she still wore the Great Serpent ring that marked her as receiving training in the White Tower in Tar Valon that lay next to her wedding band. Perhaps she could bluff these murderous louts into running out from her children. She had already lost her husband this night; she would not lose her reasons for being also. 

"What you have done here is unforgivable." She said with icy calm, but her eyes were smoldering with anger. "I swear to you that you will not live pass this night and your 'Lord Dragon' will be captured and gentled by the week's end by the Tower. Once they learn that you have killed an Aes Sedai!" The men didn't even flinch, but the grip on the hilt of their swords tightened visibly. It was working; they were beginning to find fear. However, when the large man from Lugard spoke again, he showed no signs of fear. Perhaps more convincing was needed. "Look onto my face, into my eyes and know what I speak is true. I am Mai Elizabeth Johan of the Blue Ajah and if you make any attempts to harm my children, I will kill you without hesitation."

Perturbed silence followed after her stand before the Lugarder spoke again. His eyes gleamed more fanaticism than before until they seemed to burn like hot brown coals. "If you were indeed Aes Sedai then you would bend knee to the Dragon Reborn at this moment! If you were Aes Sedai then you would not be affiliated with this Darkfriend!"

"**Enough**!" She snapped with distant authority, the Great Serpent ring gleamed brightly from the fireplace's light. "If that is what must be done to save the rest of my family, then I will bend knee to the Lord Dragon Reborn right at this moment."

"Mommy?" Chastity sobbed softly. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had been crying for some time now. She would protect them, even if she had to die doing it.

"Shhh…" She cooed warmly. "Do not worry, mommy will be all right. Hope. Hope?" The other girl looked at her with a detached gaze. The sight of her father being murder had placed her in shock. Mai felt as if she were going to cry from that look that should never be in a child's eyes. "Hope, you must listen to me carefully. Watch over your sister, do not let anything come between you two, do you understand?" She didn't seem to hear her.

"Now Aes Sedai! Swear your allegiance to the Dragon!" A man with a more musical Shienarian voice growled and grabbed the Malkieri woman by her hair to the floor. The two children screamed but were quickly silenced by a quick backhand from the Lugarder. Mai clenched her fist and gritted her teeth in anger. She would make him pay for that. Why was this happening to her and her family? Hadn't she done nothing but good as Aes Sedai? Hadn't she served the Light well? Yes, she had, she had given up the Power for the Light, and this is how she was repaid? "Swear!"

Swallowing hard she rose herself up halfway with her arms to cast her blazing eyes on the Shienarian. She took them all in turn with her gaze, memorizing their features. Somehow, someway she would give each of them what they deserved for taking Shawn away from her. "By the Light and my hope of salvation and rebirth, I swear to serve the Lord Dragon Reborn in any way he wishes until I breathe my last days." The words came forced, but they were still spoken and irrevocable. The men seemed satisfied enough, all except the hard faced Lugarder.

"Good." He mumbled blatantly. "We will set you to work soon Aes Sedai; however, the Lord Dragon has no need for children. Lauric, kill them."

Mai's eyes grew wide in horror. "No! You swore you wouldn't hurt them!"

"We swore nothing witch! Lauric kill them now." The man nodded tightly before producing a large belt knife from his boot and moved for her kids with an evil intent in his eyes.

Mai stepped in front of him with her arms wide and a daring look on her face. She would not move unless they killed her and probably not after that. The man named Lauric must have had that in mind however, as his knife met with her stomach while still in stride. She gasped in shock as she was thrown to the side as if she were nothing more than a drapery in the way. In many ways, she was just that. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as she watched on the floor, unable to move but still cursed with the capability of hearing and seeing. The man rose the knife above Hope and Chastity's crying heads and drove it down, cutting their screams short. She wanted to scream, she wanted to get up and tear their throats out, but she couldn't. She simply watched with glazed over eyes as the last bit of life drained from Hope's face. The child's still innocent eyes met hers on the floor along with her sister's.

_I love you… They'll pay for this… I swear they will…_ The world went black around her as thoughts of revenge echoed throughout her mind. She would make them pay; she would make them all pay.

**_Mai Johan. Age 75._**

The monastery in Falme wasn't like any other that she had visited before. Its immaculate whitewashed walls and pillars had been Ogier built, delineated with religious appearing idols of the Creator constructing the world as well as the heavens and locking away the Dark One before creating his children and gifting some with the power of saidar or saidin. He was depicted giving the Ogier their Steddings and tools to build the wonders that sparsely littered this world. The Creator exalting Artur Hawking and his kingdom that almost encompassed the entire continent at one point and even Manetheren and the Second Covenant. The ceiling was the interior of a dome made of pure gold, which was probably engraved with beautifications also. Designs even flooded the glasslike marble floor tiles with beautiful reefs that looked bullion worked. Brownwood bleachers were cushioned with red coverings that matched the long red carpet that led to the chancel. The incorporation of colors that shone through the many stain glass windows gaze those same bleachers a new color scheme at the ends, showing likely religious idols within its frame. The altarpiece that hung in the background was a painting of a clouded sky being broken by rays of white-yellow light. If there were a priest standing in the forefront it would look as if he were calling those very rays to shine on the congregation. However, today it was just her within this supposedly hallowed house of the Light.

Mai looked upon the many martyrs that lay on the table across from the multitude of books that the men of the faith used to preach the Word of the Light as seen by the teachings of Lothair Mantelar with her blue-green eyes. That man was the founder of the now infamous Children of the Light and this place was one of the last temples that still housed those who went by those old teachings instead of the twisted faith that it had turned into. Many of the small statuettes were normal marble or limestone figurines yet others were much too smooth to be simple sacred collectibles. She was sure some were _ter'angreals, angreals,_ and possibly _sa'angreals_. So even here, she could not escape the Tower or her ties to it. Nonetheless, she didn't come to this place to run from a Tower that no longer needed—nor would tolerate—her presence, the Malkieri woman came here for answers. Answers that she deserved to have after all she had been through these past thirty years.

She had lost the ability to touch _saidar_ and her family all in that short span of years. She was then forced to become a servant to a false Dragon for a decade. The man was captured and Gentled by the White Tower of course, but the look of pity on those Red's faces pierced harder than anything that repulsive man had done to her. In the end, Mai still didn't understand why she was still alive. Women who were cut off from the Source usually were left with nothing to live for and died a few years later. She had found a family and escaped the fate of death for over fourteen years, but once they were unrightfully taken away from her she was left with nothing. So why was she still alive? What was driving her to these churches and spiritual leaders?

"May I help you child?" a man's soothing voice asked from behind her. Mai turned to the man with a cold stare. Taller than she, he wore a brown hooded robe and a rope 'round his waist. His warm eyes were brown and fit his handsome face too well; long hair was tied back yet little strands lied across his face. He looked to be no older than what Hope would be now. Still he looked a monk of the Light.

"I am not your child, Boy." She said distantly. "Are you the Head Cleric of this place?"

He chuckled softly, not showing any signs of anger but instead his eyes looked to be more inviting. She hated those eyes. "We are all children in the Creator's eyes Mistress. Still, to answer your question, no, I am but a lowly monk. My name is Quinton Harris; Father Michael is attending to some business outside of the monastery currently. How may I be of service to you…?"

Mai sniffed loudly. There was nothing some wet-nosed adolescent could tell. She more than doubled his age. What could he possibly know? However, perhaps she could humor him until a real cleric could come. "My name is Mai Johan, boy."

"A beautiful name Aes Sedai." He said with a smile as she blinked in surprise. "I know a little more than you may think I do, Mistress Johan."

"I am not Aes Sedai… not anymore." The last came out with a tone of sadness, no it was more than sadness, it was full of despair. 

"Truly? What happened?"

"That is of no consequence to you, child." She spat vehemently. When she finally found calm again, the boy was giving her an all-knowing look. "What?" 

"Nothing. Please, tell me what troubles you Aes Sedai or shall I call you Mistress Johan?"

"Mistress will do fine for you boy. And I doubt that you could even start to comprehend my troubles." She turned to leave after that. It was a mistake to even come here. None of them could answer her questions. Their answers were all biased dribbled that she had heard thousands upon thousands of times before. Their faith was dangling on a puppeteer's thread to a ridiculous divinity. She, however, lost that when she lost her Hope and Chastity.

"You want to find answers for your being here. For your loss of faith." He called to her before she left through the door. "I cannot give the answers, but perhaps I am able to help you find comfort."

Clenched fist shook with unknown fury that Mai could not stop. Stalking back up the aisle, she met the monk's chaste gaze with one full of odium and malice. It took all the willpower she had not to hit this boy with all her strength, even if it did little, the principal would be more than enough. At first, words failed her, but soon the rage partially subsided and she was able to find her voice again.

"_Comfort?_ You wish to try to help me find comfort? You know nothing of my life or my tribulations and you dare tell me to find solace?" She could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes, but she refused to shed them. Not in front of this fool man. Not ever again.

She had cried long enough in her service to the thugs that took her life away from her. All in the name of their bloody false Dragon. After that night when she was stabbed, they took her and nursed her back to health instead of blissfully leaving her for dead. Once she became strong enough, they put her to work as something lower than a servant. It only became worse when they realized that she was not Aes Sedai. She wasn't even treated as human after that, more on the lines of property. When the false Dragon was finally killed and his followers put to trial, she was punished and sentenced to live as a refugee to wander the world until she died. She took the condemnation with open arms; she had nothing left to live for. Well, at least, that was what she thought. She roamed the continent for decades and was only left with questions. She could not die without knowing why. Why did the Light take her children away from her? After stripping everything away and then giving her the blessings of two daughters and a husband, what right did the Creator have to take it away? Why did he allow those men to take away her humanity? She wanted those answers. She deserved those answers.

"No Mistress, I _dare_ to try and help you." He said with a bit of an edge in his voice. It quickly vanished however, and was replaced with a sympathetic sigh. "I am sorry Mistress Johan, but when I see a beautiful woman such as yourself with so much bitterness in her heart… it makes me forget myself at times."

Mai sniffed loudly. "I am not your pity case! I am not some damsel in distress in a story that you had your mother read to you!"

"I understand that Mistress Johan," Quinton started respectfully. "And I apologize if I have offended you, but I only wish to help. As an Aes Sedai, you have aided many people but no one has ever been there to help you. Or so you feel. Allow me to help you to the best of my abilities."

"You can't help… no one can."

"Then why did you come here?" She made to argue, to shout at this boy for questioning her motives. However, she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to berate him because she herself didn't know why she came here. She didn't know why she was still alive. Quinton slowly made his way over to Mai and knelt down to look her in the eye. Genuinely, she had no idea she was on her knees. His eyes shone with unadulterated kindheartedness. "Allow me to try then."

Mai stood up with the helping hand of the monk. Sullied rags that were left of her clothing swayed stiffly as she stood. The dirt and grim that marred the cloth had been there for days, no months, no years; ever since her exile into the cold world. Auburn locks that were as grimy as her skirts, clung to the sides of her head and over her sunken, dulled blue-green eyes. Tiredness flowed through ever pour of her body, but she fought it. She was always a fighter. But now, she was tired of fighting, tired of searching for answers that she knew she could not get answers to. "Why had the Light abandoned her?" She no longer cared for the answer. Looking up, she noticed Quinton was speaking, but not to her, to someone else. It took a moment to realize that he was praying. Praying to his Creator. She could not hear him either way. Not because she wasn't able to, but because she didn't want to. Her family was gone, killed for no reason. Yet, she lived on, and no matter what she wanted, she could not, no, _would_ not accept death. Not until she knew why.

"How will you help?" she finally asked after a gauche silence.

"The best way I can." He said warmly. Taking her to one of the many bleachers, he awaited her to take a seat and gather herself together before speaking once more. "I know that you have seen very hard times Mistress Johan, but what could instill such darkness in your heart?"

There it was. The question that she was all too familiar with, the question that many other priests and holy men asked. They were in different forms, but in the end, they all lead to the same answer. She took a deep breath before answering. "My family was murdered, right in front of my eyes…" she went on to tell the entire story and awaited the inevitable answer that Quinton would give. When there was none, she rose from the bench with a forlorn look taking her face. "I see then. Not even you can help with the answers that I seek." 

"I'm sorry Mai…"

"I'm sorry too." Again, she went to the door to leave this place and continue her dejected existence, but a hand stopped her from proceeding and when she turned she looked into Quinton's understanding eyes once again. 

"You didn't let me finish. I'm sorry that you had to witness such a barbaric act of violence. No words that I can speak can help you absolve them for what they did. Do you understand what I am saying?"

Mai understood. She understood all too well. This was a waste of her time, a waste of her patience, a waste of her faith. If this man could not give her what she needed then the next would have to, although, she knew that statement to be false. No one could help her; there were no answers, only soul wrenching questions. "Thank you for wasting my and your time, Quinton." She retorted. "If you will excuse me I am ready to leave."

"No. Sit. It seems you do not understand what I am saying. There is nothing that I can nor will I say to help you absolve them. There is, however, things I can say or do to help you avenge their deaths." Those last nonchalant words rang with a dark odium that she never knew a man with those eyes could produce. How could a priest say such things?

The answer came along with fear that overtook Mai's entire body. The words that she wanted to say—that she wanted to scream—wouldn't come to her lips. She knew what he was or she thought she did. Finally, the word came out in a whisper. "Darkfriend."

Quinton looked at her like a man that was unfamiliar with the word. He even went as far as to spread his hands in a failed attempt at innocence, but a devout follower of the Light would never say or even think such a thing. "Yes. And what of my allegiances? Does it matter which omnipotent force I worship if I can grant you the chance to avenge your family's deaths?"

_Avenge my family…?_ The thought was distant, as distant as saidar was to her now. That course of action never even crossed her mind. She wasn't a killer; she wasn't a Darkfriend, no matter that her faith in the Light was fading. She couldn't… could she? _No! I am not a murderer; I'm not a Darkfriend!_ "I'm not a Darkfriend! I'm not evil!"

"Evil? Is making sure that those barbarians can never do what they did to you to anyone else evil or is that justice? They would be killed by any other person for their crimes, why not by your hand instead of theirs?" His voice was calm and cold now. There was more than odium in his tone, there was a pleasurable impiety to it. Worst of all, there was truth behind his questions. "You vowed revenge against your captors when they massacred your children in front of you, do you forsake that vow? Will you forsake your children?"

Her Chastity. Her Hope. Her husband Shawn. The only things in her life that made any sense or that could bring her any happiness. Her wedding vows, her vows to always be there for her children, her vow of vengeance. Would she forsake them all? "… What would you have me to do?"

"Take vengeance upon those who have wronged you of course. Make them pay for what they did to you and your life. Do on to them as they did on to you!"

"You want me to take their lives?" She asked more shocked that she would even listen to anymore of this than anything else. "I can't do that… I won't!"

The laugh Quinton barked was both haunting and sounded of a man that was running thin on patience. He turned from Mai and made his way to the table, running his hands across the many artifacts that lay there. "You are weak, afraid of what you may become if you go through with your vows. Its understandable, but not forgivable."

"What?" 

"Do you think that your husband Shawn would hesitate to avenge your murder if given the chance?"

Mai's eyes widened. "How do you know my husband's name? I never told you any of their names!"

He simply shrugged and went on like he didn't even hear her. "Chastity and Hope would not want their…" 

She had had enough of this man. Forcefully, she turned him to face her and with eyes that held a fire in them that hadn't been there in over sixty years. Yet, it was not of ambition or even determination. This was a fire of pure hatred. "You! It was you who did this to me! To my family!" But how? He was so young and that had happened over thirty years ago. When she asked him this, that same haunting laugh filled her ears.

"I had nothing to do with your precious family. But I know who did and to exact justice upon them, you must have that conviction in your eyes. The burning hatred you feel now is the tool you need. And this…" He took her trembling hand gently and placed a small statuette in it before closing it in her hand. Mai looked up at hem, confusion marred with anger and pain subjected her face. His smile returned to that of the warm monk that she had thought him to be and he kissed her forehead. Whispering a small prayer to his Dark Lord before turning and leaving.

She made to follow him, but stopped short and looked to the small figurine he gave her in the palm of her hand. It was a spider…


End file.
